To All the Boys I've Loved Before

“Because no matter what I am doing in life, if Margot and I are in the middle of an argument, if I am about to get hit by a car, I will always stop and listen to a story about Mommy. Any detail, any remembrance that Margot has, I want to have it too. I’m better off than Kitty though. Kitty doesn’t have one memory of Mommy that we haven’t given her. We’ve told her so many stories so many times that they’re hers now.”

This quote captures how crucial it is that the Song sisters stay close to one another. They are the only ones who can help one another recall the memories of their mother, especially for Kitty. Because Margot has the most memories of their mother, it is understandable that she has more knowledge than the other girls on how to try to fill that role.

“But the reason we are the Song girls and not the Covey girls is my mom used to say that she was a Song girl for life, and Margot said then we should be too. We all have Song for our middle name, and we look more like Song than Covey anyway, more Korean than white.”

This novel is not focused on the biracial, multicultural identity of the main character, but it is emphasized in the context of conversations about their mother. The girls will always get to keep something from their mother: their heritage. They look more Korean than white, which connects them to their mother, even if their mother isn’t there to help them understand their culture. Their racial identity is important to their sisterhood.

“Margot is a good girl, and I guess Kitty and I have followed her lead. I’ve never cheated or gotten drunk or smoked a cigarette or even had a boyfriend. We tease Daddy and say how lucky he is that we’re all so good, but the truth is, we’re the lucky ones. He’s a really good dad. And he tries hard. He doesn’t always understand us, but he tries, and that’s the important thing.”

The significance of this quote is the characterization of their father, who Lara Jean and her sisters adore. It’s easy to see things only from Lara Jean’s point of view, but their father also lost his wife the day the Song girls lost their mother. The girls put a lot of pressure on themselves and one another to make their father’s life easier, but it turns out that that pressure is not always productive.