The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love

“Militant feminism gave women permission to unleash their rage and hatred at men but it did not allow us to talk about what it meant to love men in patriarchal culture, to know how we could express that love without fear of exploitation and oppression.”

The opening chapter reads as indictment of militant feminism. hooks points out that ignoring the impact of patriarchy on men stunted the growth of the feminist movement. Men who recognized that there was a problem felt left out of the conversation and were never provided viable alternatives to patriarchal culture, causing them to return to the established power structures. hooks suggests that expressing love toward men and acknowledging their pain and victimization can create a pathway for cultural healing.

“It was simply easier for feminist women to talk about challenging and changing patriarchy than it was for us to talk about men—what we knew and did not know, about the ways we wanted men to change.”

Patriarchy persists through silence, as expressed in the theme Contributors to the Persistence of Patriarchy. After generations of internalized silence, women find it difficult to speak openly about their intimate relationships with men. Instead, they found it easier to focus on their own equality and liberation and claim their own positions of power. hooks suggests that remaining silent about how patriarchy affects men helps maintain patriarchal culture.

“The unhappiness of men in relationships, the grief men feel about the failure of love, often goes unnoticed in our society precisely because the patriarchal culture really does not care if men are unhappy.”

The major emphasis of patriarchal values is to deny men’s emotional natures. The theme Impacts of Patriarchal Culture on Men reveals how this denial contributes to male violence and domination.