the sun and her flowers

The speaker acknowledges that she has made herself hard and is experiencing depression; she knows she is waiting for someone who is not going to come back. She also shows the ability to take stock of her situation and realize that she contributed to it and must take responsibility for it. Nevertheless, cruel words easily shatter her. She recalls an incident from the past when a man she knew forced himself on her. She knows it us up to her to heal herself, and she makes every effort to do so, but she cannot help recalling the pain and humiliation that robbed her of her sense of self.

The speaker struggles to accept her body exactly the way it is, yet she also tries many cosmetics to make herself more beautiful. Never satisfied with the results, she continues the search. She compares herself unfavorably to other people, while at the same time trying to lift herself up with encouraging words and the expression of new-found wisdom. She recalls early childhood trauma when she was touched sexually, and how, at the age of 12, when her body started to mature, she hated it. Still trying to find a positive way, she tells herself just to let go and allow everything to happen.