The Kitchen House

“In that spring of 1791, I did not understand that the trauma of loss had taken my memory. I knew only that after I woke, wedged between crates and bags, I was terror-stricken to discover that I did not know where I was, nor could I recall my name. I was frail after months of rough travel, and when the man lifted me from the wagon, I clung to his broad shoulders.” 

These are the opening lines of Chapter 1. Here, Lavinia explains that the trauma of losing her father and mother, being separated from her older brother, and essentially being orphaned and alone in a new country caused her to lose her memory. Her loss of memory functioned as a coping mechanism, giving her distance from a pain that was too overwhelming to bear. 

“Not knowing what was expected of me, I stayed put on a pallet in the kitchen. In those first days, I studied Belle’s every move. I had no appetite, and when she insisted that I eat, my stomach emptied violently. Each time I was sick, it meant another cleaning. As Belle’s frustration with me grew, so did my fear of upsetting her. At night I slept on a pallet in a corner of Belle’s upstairs room. On the second night, unable to sleep, I went to stand at Belle’s bedside, comforted by the sound of her soft night breathing.” 

This moment reveals Lavinia’s desire to please others. Even after arriving on the plantation without any knowledge of who she is, she is still eager to please Belle, even though Belle’s a stranger. Lavinia’s desire to please others at the cost of her own happiness is a constant theme throughout the novel. As a child, this means that Lavinia does her chores diligently and is always there when needed, but as an adult this translates to her doing whatever Marshall says, even at the cost of her own safety and wellbeing. 

“Mrs. Pyke raised me in the big house and taught me everything, just like a white girl. She even shows me how to read and write. She says there’s no reason to act like I don’t know better, just because I’m half Negro. […] For seven years that woman was like my whole world.” 

Here, Belle describes the duality of her living situation. As James’s daughter, she was raised by his mother in the big house. Although Belle’s mother was one of James’s slaves, she was given the beginnings of an education.