The Hand That First Held Mine

The Hand That First Held Mine by Irish writer Maggie O’Farrell was originally published in 2009 and won a Costa Book Award in 2010. O’Farrell is known for her award-winning historical novels and her realistic portrayal of strong female protagonists. This novel is both a historical novel set in London from 1950 to 1970 and a contemporary realistic novel following a woman and her boyfriend through early parenthood. Alternating between close third person and an omniscient narrator’s perspective, the novel explores themes of The Universality of Motherhood, The Transformative Power of Art, and The Effect of Trauma on Memory.

This guide uses the 2010 Houghton Mifflin Harcourt hard copy edition of the novel.

Content Warning: The source material features descriptions of traumatic childbirth, miscarriage, the traumatic loss of a parent, and attempted sexual assault.

Plot Summary

The Hand That First Held Mine alternates between two main storylines. The first begins in the 1950s, when a young woman named Lexie Sinclair moves from rural Devon to London two weeks after meeting art critic Innes Kent. As her relationship with Innes deepens both professionally and romantically, she discovers a passion and talent for journalism. She also learns that Innes is married, though separated, and that his wife (Gloria) has a daughter (Margot) who believes Innes is her father. Lexie further learns that Gloria had an affair while Innes was missing in action during World War II; Margot is the product of that affair. Margot blames Lexie for Innes’s separation from Gloria.

Innes dies from pneumonia after he and Lexie have been together for a few years, and Lexie is left with nothing except Innes’s prized painting collection, which their friend Laurence manages to recover from Innes’s apartment. Gloria inherits all of Innes’s property and dissolves the magazine at which Lexie has worked for years. Nevertheless, Lexie heals from the shock and trauma of Kent’s death and moves forward with her career. Through her successful journalism career, she meets Felix Roffe, with whom she has an on-again, off-again relationship. When she gets pregnant, she chooses to raise their son, Theodore (or “Theo”) on her own. She sells one of Innes’s paintings to buy a house for herself and her child, and with some minor help and occasional visits from Felix, she and Theo do well together. Felix has always had multiple relationships, which doesn’t bother Lexie until Felix gets involved with Margot Kent. Margot’s animosity toward Lexie is sufficient reason for Lexie to cut all ties with Felix save for his relationship with Theo.

After a work trip to interview a famous artist, Lexie begins a relationship with another married man, Robert Lowe. When Theo is three, Lexie drowns on a holiday trip with Robert and her son. Felix takes Theo home to Margot, whom he married after a pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage. Margot initially resists adopting Theo due to her animosity toward Lexie. However, Margot can’t have children and warms to Theo, who asks to be called Ted and accepts Margot as his new mother.

The second storyline follows Finnish immigrant Elina Vilkuna and her boyfriend, Ted, through the first few months of parenthood. Elina is a painter and sculptor, while Ted is a film editor; Ted is also Margot’s adoptive son and Lexie’s biological child, though these connections only become clear over the course of the novel.

Elina’s experience of giving birth was traumatic; she nearly died of blood loss, though both she and the baby are now healthy. However, the trauma of Elina’s near death and the strain of new parenthood begin triggering Ted’s memories of early childhood. Elina initially struggles with her own memory of the trauma, but after a few months she fully recovers, rediscovering her identity as an artist and folding motherhood into who she is. Ted, however, becomes more and more distracted by intrusive memories. Eventually, he collapses on a holiday at the beach and is rushed to the hospital.

After Ted recovers from this panic attack, he and his family return to London, where Ted insists on confronting his parents. He asks his father, Felix, about a photograph that triggered memories of Lexie, and Felix tells Ted the full truth about Ted’s mother and her death. This revelation prompts Ted to withdraw from his life and family. Searching for a way of helping him, Elina finds Lexie’s articles, including one that talks about Ted as a baby. When she reads Lexie’s words to Ted, he stirs, listens, and asks for more.