Me Talk Pretty One Day

Sedaris recalls his first meeting with Chrissy Sampson, his school’s speech therapist. In their first meeting, Miss Sampson had asked him which college football team he rooted for, State or Carolina. David responded, “State” (5), which prompted her to point out his lisp. She declared that he had a “lazy tongue” (7) that made him pronounce “s” words with a “th” sound and sought to help him adjust his speech patterns. David would do everything to avoid making “s” sounds, going so far as to expand his vocabulary so that he could access a greater inventory of words without “s” in them. Teachers complimented his expansive vocabulary while Miss Sampson was not fooled. She attempted many times to trip him up to no avail. In Miss Sampson’s final meeting with David, she broke down and confessed to being inexperienced as a speech therapist. When she moved her hands to her face to cry, David let slip the words, “I’m thorry” (14) only to realize soon after that Miss Sampson had tricked him into revealing that he still had a speech impediment. She signed the paperwork recommending David for the speech therapy program in the following year.