Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

Goleman begins this chapter with a thought experiment: Imagine driving to work while trying to remember to stop at the dry cleaners on the way to drop off a suit. Suddenly, an ambulance siren sounds behind you, and you have to speed up to get out of the way. You try to regain your thoughts, but you’ve lost concentration. By the time you get to the office, you realize you’ve forgotten to go to the dry cleaners.

This narrative illustrates a concept Goleman calls “frazzle,” a level of stress that prevents the “high road” operations of the brain from working properly.

Another anecdote describes an activity in a Spanish language class: A student is trying to fill out a crossword puzzle with Spanish words, while their partner has the answer key and can give them hints, but only in Spanish. The students are so engaged in the game that when the bell rings, they stay in their chairs to finish the puzzles. Goleman describes this optimal learning “sweet spot” as involving full attention, enthusiastic interest, and positive emotional intensity. This creates a “moderate to challenging level of stress” that fuels engagement without creating panic or anxiety (272).