If Only I Had Told Her

Autumn goes shopping for maternity clothes with Angelina and Claire. She feels disconnected from her changing body. She gets pants and then tries on a dress at her mother’s insistence. She is surprised to find that when she puts it on, she feels like a woman and not a girl. Autumn thinks, “Even if I don’t have Finny to tell me that I look beautiful, I can tell him for me” (341). This moment helps her make peace with her changing body.

Autumn discusses feeling disconnected from her body and the pregnancy with Dr. Singh, and he questions her about her physical health. When she assures him that she is taking care of herself, he tells her, “[I]t sounds to me like you are loving this fetus as much as you can” (342).

Autumn is at a maternity appointment. At the next appointment, there will be an organ scan, and this reminds Autumn that there could be something wrong with the baby. Moreover, even if the baby is born healthy, both she and Autumn will eventually die. Autumn hopes that the baby outlives her. After Autumn leaves the appointment,