If He Had Been with Me

Content Warning: This section includes discussions of mood disorders and suicidal ideation.

Phineas “Finny” Smith argues with his girlfriend, Sylvie, as they drive in the rain. There is an accident and Sylvie is thrown from the car. She is cut and bruised, but largely unharmed. Finny, too, is unharmed. However, he does not remain in the car.

The narration jumps back in time. Finny Smith is the son of Angelina Smith, Autumn’s next-door neighbor and mother’s best friend. Finny’s father is not a part of his life because Finny is the result of a brief affair. Autumn and Finny were born in September, a week apart. Autumn is quirky and odd, causing her to have few friends. She wants to be a writer. Finny was her closet friend all through elementary school, but they grew apart the year before high school.

On the first day of high school, Autumn stands alone at the bus stop. She reflects on how she was one of the popular girls in eighth grade. She and Finny had different classes and studied separately, slowly ending their relationship. This ended her association with she and Finny’s shared friends. She begins a clique of her own with her friend,