I Will Save You

The novel shows how traumatic experiences leave lasting impressions, especially on children and adolescents. Domestic violence and the brutal deaths of Kidd’s parents have hurt his mental health and generated low self-esteem.

In addition to the post-traumatic stress and depression Kidd suffers in the wake of his mother’s death, Kidd struggles with impulsive and dangerous behaviors. To cope with this side of himself, Kidd creates Devon, who encourages Kidd to participate in risky endeavors. Kidd compares Devon to his father: “The only person I know who’s like Devon is my dad. According to my Horizons therapist he had a death drive, too and that’s why he committed domestic abuse and lived with all those different women. My therapist says I was most likely drawn to Devon because his behavior felt familiar” (82). This highlights the trauma Kidd has endured. Consequently, he is vulnerable and drawn to danger. Instead of recognizing that he embodies toxic traits, Kidd ascribes them to Devon as a way of distancing himself from them.

Kidd manifests his death drive through Devon, such as when threatening the college kids. He stabs himself with a knife, highlighting his recklessness and impulsivity. Because of his belief that he is a nobody, he is willing to inflict physical pain on himself.