Fangirl

Content Warning: The quotes in this section contain stigmatizing language for mental health conditions such as anxiety, eating disorders, and bipolar disorder.

“Cath didn't want them to know she was about to melt down. If Cath melted down, her father would melt down. And if either of them melted down, Wren would act like they were doing it on purpose, just to ruin her perfect first day on campus.”

Cath, her father, and Wren all have different internal conflicts, yet this quotation shows how their emotional states are often closely intertwined. Cath’s anxiety and their father’s bipolar disorder can heighten both of their emotions, while Wren wants to distance herself from them to explore new identities for herself.

“But the hallway was practically a meet-and-greet. Every door was propped open but theirs. Girls were milling around, talking and laughing. The whole floor smelled like burnt microwave popcorn.

Cath slipped into the bathroom and sat in one of the stalls, unwrapping her protein bar and letting nervous tears dribble down her cheeks.

God, she thought. God. Okay. This isn’t that bad. There's actually nothing wrong, actually. What’s wrong, Cath? Nothing.

She felt tight everywhere. Snapping. And her stomach was on fire.”

Cath has anxiety, which makes her nervous and sometimes even frightened in new situations. This quotation shows both the mental and physical symptoms of anxiety. Cath is too nervous to eat in her room or the dining hall, so she cries and eats in a bathroom stall. Her anxiety creates several physical symptoms that add to her overall feeling of distress.

“‘Your trash can is full of energy bar wrappers,’ Reagan said.

‘You were looking through my trash?’ Cath felt a rush of anger.

‘Levi was looking for a place to spit out his gum…So? Do you have an eating disorder?’

‘No,’ Cath said, pretty sure it was exactly what she’d say if she did have an eating disorder.

‘Then why don’t you eat real food?’

‘I do.’ Cath clenched her fists. Her skin felt drawn and tight. ‘Just. Not here.’

‘Are you one of those freaky eaters?’

‘No. I—’ Cath looked up at the ceiling, deciding that this was one of those times when the truth would be simpler than a lie. ‘—I don’t know where the dining hall is.’

‘You’ve been living here more than a month.’”

As opposed to more standard nervousness, Cath’s anxiety affects her day-to-day activities and quality of life. For the first month of school, she eats almost nothing but protein bars and peanut butter, sparking Reagan’s concern. For people who experience social anxiety in particular, social situations can be more manageable with a support system. This marks the beginning of Reagan’s role in helping Cath enter new situations.