Everything I Know About Love

In this chapter, Alderton’s perspectives on love, sex, and dating noticeably change. Rather than being “unconventional” to keep a man’s interest, like she felt she needed to be at 21, now she writes that men are interested in a woman who “holds it all back”—“it” being sex. She also reverses her position on removing one’s pubic hair, as she now believes “going bald” is tantamount to letting the “patriarchal control of female anatomy” win. Most significantly, Alderton includes the lesson that one’s best friends will always choose men over the friendship, and it will be a slow, painful goodbye one must make peace with sooner rather than later.

In two separate lists, Alderton explores reasons for and against having a boyfriend. In the “Reasons to Have” list, she includes the increased likelihood of getting a proper birthday cake, having someone to squeeze her butt while waiting in line somewhere, regular sexual intercourse, and the relief of no longer having to flirt with people. Notably, she also writes that having a boyfriend will make other people believe she is lovable. In the “Reasons Not to Have” list, Alderton says boyfriends will not share her taste in music, will point out when she exaggerates a story, make her watch televised sports, and leave his hair all over the bathroom.