Confessions

In Carthage, Augustine persisted in promiscuity. He describes himself as having been “enamored with the idea of love” but sinfully indiscriminate in procuring it (43). He enjoyed watching popular plays, tragedies in which characters experience sorrow for impure reasons. Augustine proclaims that he enjoyed these shows for the distraction they provided from the sickness of his soul and argues that this sort of art exploits the selfish impulse toward passive pity and the charitable feeling it produces. Worthwhile sorrow, Augustine suggests, arises only as a byproduct of compassion for someone struggling with sin.

In his rhetorical studies, Augustine excelled, though he credits his moral bankruptcy. Even so, he is thankful that he did not sink as low as some of his peers, many of whom violently harassed younger students. At age 19, Augustine discovered Cicero’s Hortensius, a lost dialogue that argues that philosophy is the most important of human pursuits. Cicero’s ideas awakened in Augustine a hunger for wisdom, a desire to transcend earthly life and know God. Despite Augustine’s sinful lifestyle at that time, he claims that the absence of Christianity from this text was his one misgiving. Thus, he turned to the Bible, but he found it wanting when compared with Cicero.