Check & Mate

“I don’t want anyone in my family to think that they owe me anything, or to feel guilty about my decisions. They shouldn’t feel guilty, because none of this is their fault. It’s exclusively mine.”

This is one of the first indications that Mallory feels a sense of responsibility for what happened with her father. Although she would likely care for her family no matter what, this moment reveals that she goes to such lengths for them because she feels as if she is responsible for their situation; in a way, she punishes herself with work and overwhelming responsibility.

“[F]or a moment—a horrible, terrifying, disorienting moment—I am angry with her. With my beautiful, intelligent, talented fourteen-year-old sister who doesn’t know, doesn’t understand how hard I’m trying. When I turned fourteen—on the very stupid day of my stupid birthday—everything changed, and I lost Dad, I lost chess, I lost the very me I’d been.”

Even early in the novel, the pressure of responsibility and suppressed emotions begins to build within Mallory. This is one of those moments where, even though she catches herself, she starts to feel angry at Sabrina’s treatment of her. This speaks to her prioritization of others over herself, the disregard of her own feelings, and a disconnect from the things she enjoyed as a child.

“[S]uddenly I’m afraid again. That she’ll forget all about me, that I’ll never measure up to Colorado and the people she’ll meet there. I’m about to lose her, I know I am. It seems such an inevitable, predestined conclusion, I don’t even bother voicing my fears.”

Mallory’s worries about Easton growing past her and moving on reveal Mallory’s insecurities. They also reveal Mallory’s instinct to run away from others rather than be abandoned first, providing an empathetic demonstration of how she processes emotional distress.