8 Rules of Love: How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it Go

The book emphasizes both autonomy and partnership, which cooperate to create equality between both partners in a relationship and a balance between a strong sense of self and a strong partnership. It stresses having a strong self-concept before and during a relationship to retain autonomy, which is achieved through studying the eight rules.

Shetty believes that autonomy should be present before people enter a relationship. For a relationship to be successful, people must already have a complete sense of self, developed through solitude and an appreciation of how one’s past experiences impact current decisions, which are the objectives of the first two rules. This also occurs through having a clear purpose separate from the other person and the relationship. He refers to this as having one’s “own purpose or spiritual calling” (125). A strong sense of self bolsters a relationship, and purpose motivates life decisions, including whether or not to stay in a relationship.

Shetty asserts that a relationship really consists of three relationships: “your relationship with each other, your relationship with your purpose, and your partner’s relationship with their purpose” (129). He cites marriage and family therapist Kathleen Dahlen deVos on the importance of individual identity rather than a relationship being at the center of one’s self-concept to emphasize that people should not place their personal needs second to their partner’s.